There are many moments in every healing journey when the old version of you meets the new one - those moments you remember (or maybe realize for the first time) you can’t go back, even if you wanted to.
I’ve recently had several of those reminders, one of them when I stepped into what I thought might become a new friendship or relationship. It didn’t take long to see that this person was using •fill in the blank• daily to numb themselves. In that moment of realizayion, what I witnessed happening was the old me showing up - the version that understands, that holds space, that says, “It’s okay, because I get why people do that, and I know how to walk in their world – even if it makes mine uncomfortable."
The truth is… while compassion is beautiful, it can’t replace self-honesty.
And sometimes, loving another means first remembering to love myself enough to say no.
I don’t want to be in spaces, (or relationships, friendships, partnerships of any sort), where numbing or avoiding is the norm.
Not because I think I’m better than anyone else, but because I’ve spent years learning to feel. I’ve done the work to stay awake in my mind and my body, and to meet my emotions instead of running from them. I only want to be surrounded by people who are doing the same.
But for a long time, I kept that truth quiet - afraid it might sound unkind, as if I wasn’t holding space for those who are still finding their way through the numb.
I want to be clear - if your mental health is suffering and you’re using something to simply get through the day, please know this isn’t about judgment or shame. This is not what I’m speaking about. There is real pain in this world, and sometimes survival comes before healing.
But for me, for where I am in my journey, I want to be surrounded by people who are in touch with themselves. People who are willing to feel their feelings, sit in discomfort, and face what arises with presence.
People who are in touch with themselves feel different.
They feel safe.
They feel steady.
I can rest in their presence without needing to shrink, alter, or interpret.
There’s a groundedness in those who have met the depths of themselves, because when they’ve faced their own shadows, they know how to sit with yours.
That’s the kind of connection I’m choosing.
Not perfection.
Not “all healed” or “awakened”.
Just people who are real, aware, and present - people who have stopped running from themselves.
This isn’t about judgment. It’s about alignment.
Because here’s what I’ve learned:
Every time I choose to stay connected to my truth - even when it’s uncomfortable - I strengthen the part of me that trusts life, and quite frankly, the part of me that trusts ME. Every time I choose to disconnect, I weaken that trust.
The ongoing cycle of growth and transformation requires radical self-honesty, constant self-inquiry, and accountability. And that accountability? It’s always on me baby!